Tips

I'm not an expert but these are some things that worked for me.

Tips for anyone experiencing fertility struggles:


Make an appointment to the fertility clinic ASAP. The Regional Fertility Clinic in Calgary is apparently one of the best; I feel so fortunate to living here for treatment. Many people have the added expense and frustration of travel, accommodations, time off work etc. If your doctor wont give you a referral (which I experienced) find another doctor, or go to the Well Woman Clinic (this is what ended up working for us).

Follow up on the referral. Call the Fertility Clinic to confirm that they have in fact received your referral and ask where you are on the waitlist. Often times, you will be called much sooner than the time they give you. I think they give the longest time it could possibly take to get in; for us we found that we got in months sooner than expected or than we were previously told.

Educate Yourself. Inform yourself, and do your own research. However, dont spend too much time on forums. They tend to be filled with the worst case scenarios. You dont need the added stress or worry. I found this book helpful: http://www.amazon.ca/A-Girlfriends-Guide-Through-Infertility-ebook/dp/B00F0XD58G. There are many others that are great resources, but I found this one real, raw and relevant. 

Be your own advocate. Research, and know what you would like to ask the doctor when you go in for an appointment. Appointments are few and far between (every few months), and doctors at the clinic tend to only share a minimum amount of information. I think that the Doctors intentionally only share what you need to know, which in a way, I found comforting. It isnt as overwhelming or scary as you think it will be. Trust the doctors.

The process is not as scary or intimidating as you think it is (before you begin). 

Take it one step at a time. My husband forced me to take this journey one step at a time; and to only think and focus on what was in front of us and what we were dealing with now, and within the next month. That really helped me (although infuriated me too). 

Talk- do not be afraid to communicate, and share your story. People will make up their own ideas anyways, so I find it's better to be open, and honest. You'll make more friends that way anyways. Also, talk and be open with your spouse. You may need counselling or additional support, welcome and try to be open. Your spouse will deal with the infertility journey as well, but likely in a much different way than you. 
A lot (most) people arent open, and dont communicate openly about infertility, however, if you talk about it Im sure you will recognize and find others who are experiencing this too. You are not alone. 

Share- if you reach out and share your story, you will attract and find others who have similar experiences; your world will be richer, and you will not be so alone (at least that's what I found).
You probably will end up helping someone by sharing your experience. I think there is unity, empowerment and strength in sharing.
Some people wont "get it", inform them, and love them for what and who they are. 

Ask for help. You will probably need additional emotional support and chances are you wont be able to get all of the support that you need from your husband (I expected and wanted my husband to be able to comfort and help carry the burden). This leads into my next point.

Develop a support network. There is an infertility support Group in Calgary (For more information, contact Michelle at infertilitycalgary@gmail.com or (403) 266-2867), which some might find helpful. I found it helpful, and also unhelpful. It was helpful for me to associate and get to know others who are experiencing infertility; however, I also found it depressing as the people who attend are experiencing a lot of grief, and heartache. Those who are successful in their fertility journey no longer attend the support group, for me I found the group depressing and negative. The same infertility group has a Facebook page which I found helpful. There are also many forums, which can be helpful for finding a friend and gathering info. Become a Sock Buddy for someone. A Sock Buddy is someone who is experiencing infertility, who becomes like a pen pal. You send one another cozy, fun socks to wear to appointments and text, call or email one another when you need support. 
Some of the people whom you thought would be supports to you may not be available, or know how to be supportive. Find a way to let that go, and honour the friendship for what it can be despite what it's not. You will find support and strength in others. 

Take a break. During your cycle, when you are trying to conceive, there are only a few days in which you can actually do anything proactive. Set aside days, weeks or certain times of the day where you will not dwell on your infertility.

Treat yourself. Do something kind for yourself every week, or every day. Eat your favorite foods, go to your favorite places, watch your favorite movies, get a manicure etc.

Don't be afraid to take what you need. If you cant handle attending a baby shower, don't go. If you need a day off work, to be alone, take it. Be kind to yourself. 

Pursue other interests, and have a goal aside from fertility. I trained for a triathlon, and took on a new and challenging job. These changes were healthy distractions for me. 

Don't Blame yourself (or your spouse). Try not to put so much pressure on yourself, or your spouse. You are doing the best you can, right now and you are further again than you were last year, last month etc.

Recognize that infertility is a disease. There is a lot of stigma, and judgement around infertility. Own your journey and your experience. It is real, and it is not your fault. 

When you are involved with the fertility clinic, know your chart number. Also write down, or save in your phone the extensions for the Period Hot Line, nurses, doctor etc. 


Always, always, always have hope.